The Journey So Far

In the roughly 4.5 years since its inception, Spiritual Phoenix Studios has gone through several deaths and rebirths. This cycle of existence has developed and eroded the initial intent for better and worse. However, I feel this most recent iteration condenses the essential aspects of what I perceive its proper function to be. Spiritual Phoenix Studios has always been about inspiring change and transformation through the telling of our lived experiences.

Since the number of people engaged with the work has increased substantially and you may not be familiar with me or my story, I wanted to share a short thumbnail sketch of the journey so far. I can't fit the full version in one post and am already working on a larger writing project behind the scenes, so I'll offer a very rough snapshot. 

My life was an increasingly combustible dumpster fire for most of my life. At some point, drugs and drinking became my way of coping with that fire. A significant number of intense psychedelic experiences seemed to cleanse some psychic centers and open me to some minor changes, but there was always an inability to finding lasting change. I always craved a mystical or spiritual experience, something life-changing. Be careful what you wish for, sometimes it comes true.

The Fools Journey

Only a fool would be willing to choose this path. If there is one clear-cut example of my arrogance and ignorance, this would easily be it. Spiritual awakenings are not rose-tinted experiences; they are a visceral juxtaposition of life's simultaneous horror and beauty. I can only credit my survival and the shred of sanity that remains to good luck, magick, and something else entirely, which for the sake of my work, I will refer to as "The Mysteries."

My initiation into The Mysteries began as a spiritual emergency that led me to the psych ward. That experience changed my life forever and resulted in me abandoning one life and adopting another. For sanity's sake, I had to shed the incredibly obvious mystical underpinnings and attempt to return to life as usual. However, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

I ignored my experiences for a year when ultimately I ended up in a similar albeit more intense and extended set of experiences that persisted for the better part of a year. Eventually, these would lead me to a path of healing, change, and growth.

Initially, this path was therapy, peer support with a mental health group, and later involvement in Twelve-step programs. Twelve-step programs require accessing a higher power, and it seemed that I was allowed to explore my previous experiences again. I was always fascinated with spirituality and the odd; now, I had the freedom to explore ideas open-mindedly. 

Testing the Waters

Due to the severe nature of my mental health crises, I was conscientious with exploring these topics. I started with a healthy amount of disbelief but was open to seeing results that would prove otherwise. Throughout studying, life experiences, and experiments, belief transitioned to a sense of knowing there was something more going on here than meets the eye. 

I documented my journey from the beginning. It started with a cringe-worthy video of me smashing my bong with an ax. It then transitioned to recording some very early speaking opportunities, blog posts, podcasts, and even self-publishing a poetry book. I had a lot going on, and in a perfect world, things would have been fine, but reality set in.

Trouble in Paradise

Nothing I was doing was making money. I had to accept that something needed to change, and it was me. I went all in and invested time in learning more skills. I also needed to start making some money too. Soon the fun and healing process became a fight for survival. My digital footprint was an unintentional barrier to escaping the path I created. It was either win or lose it all.

When you don't have an option, miraculous things can happen, and you will tap into an inner well of strength you didn't know existed, but first, you have to get the shit kicked out of you. And I did, bad. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit or was lost or stuck.

My life was healing, study, and work, 24/7, 365—no social life, nothing else all day. Things were starting to improve and look hopeful; our idea expanded into local events that blended metaphysics with the community and practical philosophy. Then Covid hit, and the dynamic of everything shifted.

Shift Happens

Before the lockdowns took place, I was already stuck financially. I was coming up short and beyond frustrated because I was grinding my ass off and getting nowhere. I was ready to quit, and I told the mysteries that they needed to send me some money if they wanted me to pursue this path. The next day I unexpectedly got a 1,400 dollar check settlement check from over a decades-old class-action lawsuit against a money order company. That rekindled my spark. 

I leveraged the lockdown to learn new skills and refine aspects of the business on a deep level. I fundamentally reconceptualized everything from March on through to this present moment. I reoriented the heart of this business back to its north star; it's about creativity, art, speaking my truth, and most of all, showing people that it's possible to not only bounce back from some impossible situations but to pursue your dreams. I want to inspire you to find the happiest version of yourself, not the "best" one.

With that said, a lot of inner growth and transformation has transpired from lockdown, and I can't cram it all into this single post. It will be an unfolding process, but I'd love to have you along for the ride. A shift in consciousness is already occurring, and the next giant leap is on the horizon. Now is a time to dig down deep and invest in your evolution. Next week, I will explain what's evolved in my practice from July of last year up until this moment.

I look forward to exploring the unknown with you.