How to use affirmations for a happier life
Words are spells, and thoughts are things. However, most of us fail to recognize that truth. The human mind has a negative bias, and without some intentional pushback, we end up casting binding spells on ourselves. While this may sound like the ravings of an unsound mind, I invite you to suspend your disbelief for a few minutes and step into a world weirder than you might imagine.
Words are magic
Chances are you've heard the magical phrase, "abracadabra." It's become a cliche term used by stage magicians the world over. However, it's unlikely that you know its origin or meaning. Abracadabra is an ancient Aramaic word meaning "I create as I speak." So what?
As I mentioned in the opening paragraph, the human mind has a negative bias. "The negative bias is our tendency not only to register negative stimuli more readily but also to dwell on these events." Additionally, the more we entertain specific ways of thinking, the stronger our mind is wired to think in similar ways. Meaning, unless you're consciously combating your biology, you likely have some unhelpful ways of thinking about the world.
Science Fact, Not Science Fiction
At first glance, it's easy to dismiss the saying "I create as I speak." Saying you're a millionaire doesn't magically make a million dollars appear in your bank account. If this were the case, I likely wouldn't be writing this article; I'd probably traveling the world. The truth of this statement is so subtle it's easy to miss.
How we speak reflects how we think and how we think impacts how we perceive life. Let me give you an example.
You start your day late for work because you overslept. In the process of rushing out the door, you stub your toe and accidentally spill your coffee on your shirt. Now you've got to change your shirt, making you even later. By this point, you and most people are already writing off the whole day as a bad day. In reality, it's just a few unfortunate moments, but we've opted into seeing it as an entire day down the tubes.
While that may be an incredibly benign example, consider the implications of applying that thinking to significant periods of our lives in general or even yourself as a person. The consequences could be pretty dire.
Negative Cognitions
At the time of this writing, I've been in therapy for almost five years. Much of that time has focused on correcting negative cognitions. A negative cognition is a maladaptive self-assessment or negative belief developed from negative or traumatic life experience(s). These beliefs are the conclusions that we have about ourselves based upon our memories. Many of these from in your childhood then eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies. Sometimes we even unintentionally reinforce them with self-destructive patterns.
Here are some examples that I've dealt with personally.
I am not loveable
I am worthless
I am ugly
I cannot be trusted
I cannot trust myself
It's not ok to show my emotions
I don't belong
I should have known better
If words are spells, which I believe them to be, then negative cognitions are black magick or curses. While some may have malicious roots, most arise from an absent-minded statement that sticks with us. They could initially come from a family member, teacher, friend, or lover, but we continually recast the magick every time we utter the phrase in our heads.
Breaking Black Magick
While this may receive some pushback, it's my experience that black magick's only real power is your belief in it. When we stop finding those things to be accurate, they stop having the ability to impact us. However, disbelief in long-held truths is a process that requires consistent effort. Remember, by default; the human mind perceives situations negatively; negative cognitions add some extra resistance to rewiring your brain. Thankfully, we can make space to start to reprogram how we think about ourselves.
The Power of Thought
After rigorous testing, science has widely accepted the placebo effect as a reality. What is the Placebo effect? The phenomenon of people receiving benefits from otherwise inactive substances through belief alone. While generally applied to the medical field, the actual impact of belief impacting reality is equally viable in most avenues, especially thought.
Healing with words
Affirmations are essentially short phrases that offer emotional support or encouragement. While grasped upon by the New Age to questionable ends, you can leverage this practice for profound self-healing. However, just as your negative cognitions didn't develop overnight, affirmations will take time to work. Additionally, words themselves are just a starting point, but we'll look at that in a moment; for now, let's create affirmations from my negative cognitions.
I am not loveable = I am loveable
I am worthless = I am worthy
I am ugly = I am attractive
I cannot be trusted = I am trustworthy
I cannot trust myself = I can listen to myself
It's not ok to show my emotions = I can express myself
I don't belong = I belong
I should have known better = I am learning; mistakes are part of that process
Thoughts follow actions
I'd love to tell you that uttering affirmations alone would be enough, but they aren't. They offer support, but they don't have much sustainability unless we start changing the behaviors associated with our negative cognitions. Remember, negative cognitions often also condition a set of self-destructive behaviors, which will continually create situations to reinforce our old beliefs unless corrected.
Defining our Intent
The secret ingredient to affirmations is positive self-esteem. I get it; this may seem a bridge too far, which is why I'm discussing this in the context of magick and not traditional therapy. An indispensable aspect of magick is intent.
“Intent is not a thought, or an object, or a wish. Intent is what can make a man succeed when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated. It operates in spite of the warrior’s indulgence. Intent is what makes him invulnerable. Intent is what sends a shaman through a wall, through space, to infinity.”
No particaption trophies
I can’t hold your hand and tell you everything will be alright because I respect you too much to lie to you. There are some things in life that unless we face them, will have serious negative impacts on our lives. That said, I do empathize with the impossible gap between negative self-image and generating self-respect. I had to cross it myself and I know the struggle. However, I don't do you any favors by telling you that it's easy; in my experience, it's been the hardest thing I've ever done. As toxic as the old concept of picking yourself by the bootstraps can be, sometimes you have to make yourself do the impossible. Thankfully, I'm not going to leave you empty-handed, and I can share what I've had to do.
1) Why do you want to change your self-talk?
Feeling better about yourself is a great start, but you will need a more significant reason when the inevitable roadblock comes up. My reasoning for wanting to change how I thought about myself was to help others. I'd suggest finding a purpose that puts you in direct service to other people.
2) Practice Gratitude
This statement can sound like a sucker punch when your life is shit. However, I'm not asking you to bask in your suffering; I'm asking you to focus on maybe the one or two things that are going right in your life. If you can't find one or two things, think harder.
3) Do Esteemable Things
Most of us lack self-esteem because we aren't living in ways that make us feel good. However, there is a big world out there that is in dire need of help. Getting up off your ass and doing something good for someone else can have a significant head change, especially if you train yourself to do nice things without being asked and without telling another person.
In Closing
Words matter, and how you talk to yourself and think about yourself will impact your life. However, you cannot expect to make any lasting changes to your life so long as you continue to perpetuate the behaviors that feed into your old thought patterns. We live in a biological, psychological, and sociological world. They are interconnected systems and create lasting change; we need to work on all three areas actively.
